The Outhouse Chronicles Continued

By: Bill Whaley
12 January, 2021

The first two installments, a brief mention, followed by a column on the Town of Taos’s failure to accommodate locals and visitors, who undergo periodic “calls of nature” has generated a great deal of interest and eyewitness testimony from regular folks, who are not “Ranee Malanga,” the town’s favorite scapegoat.

(I withhold names below due to the retaliatory tone and actions of the town manager and his evil typewriter, witness yesterday’s 1800-word screed. At least Donald Trump “was” limited to 140 characters.)

To wit:

1. A prominent and successful downtown merchant referred to the “anger” expressed by both locals and merchants, who go in search of privacy, a place to exercise bowel movements and relieve the bladder pressure. Indeed, this merchant spied a “white” middle class (Anglo) tourista and her three children all squatting and peeing in the alley behind the Plaza, fronting the Dunn House shopping mall. The all-male Town Council and their bosses may not be familiar with the habits of small children, pregnant women, older folks with sudden urges.

2. Coincidentally, a native New Mexican from one of the villages, whom I’ve known for decades, was dining “Covid proper” in her auto with a friend on the Plaza and witnessed an average pick-up driver stop his vehicle, whip out of the still-running vehicle, and whip out his Johnny to pee against the wall in Dunn House alley. She said she was shocked and didn’t understand until she read Taos Friction.

3. A third witness, downtown resident and merchant noted that a homeless man defecated in her front drive adjacent to the street and later discovered more aberrant and homeless feces behind her business in the Historic District.


4. Solution: 1) You can buy temporary and camper facilities on Amazon (two day delivery) in a variety of bucket and canvas contraptions that can serve as dutiful containers of piss and shit. 2) The Town could apply to the County for a variance to install an “outhouse” mid Plaza, the work of a few hours, a backhoe, and a carpenter. 3) At my scriptorium in the County I use Bob’s Yard to whom I pay a modest monthly fee for service and cleaning for a perfectly acceptable and sanitary unit. 4) Hire an attendant and open the modern bathrooms in the parking lot behind the Old County Courthouse.

What’s wrong with these people?

Analysis

The white people who run this town may have caught a form of republicanitis wherein their own constituents and taxpayers have become the enemy per Washington D.C. Recently costumed thugs, supported by the President and more than a hundred congressional outliers (all white people) occupied the Capitol.

Now 15,000 National Guardsmen have been called up and may have orders to shoot first and ask questions later. White people now represent the stereotypical lawbreaker. This switch certainly bears a resemblance to the reality of the empire or the occupied territories. So if you look like an Anglo you might skip the Biden festivities…I’m just saying.

(I grew up among these people but have been “re-educated” and confined to Taos for witness protection.)

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